Life is going so fast and I have been busy (or lazy?) and so I haven't chronicled my life in a long time. So here it goes. To start things off, I tore my ACL 4 weeks ago and had surgery 3 weeks ago. Here is the post I wrote right after I tore my ACL, but I didn't publish it...
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Wow, these past few weeks (especially the past 48 hours) have been a blur. Where to begin. Well, a week and a half ago, we had an intramural game. Josh and I are on the same team. It is a coed team and it is with people from our ward. So we were two people down almost the entire game and we were playing a team that would flop a ton and were getting mad at us. It was really intense. I was getting really mad at some of the things going on and some of the calls. We were up 2-1 (again, two men down) and I dribbled all through their team and then I was right by the goal and I should've shot it harder or laid it off, but instead I shot it whimpishly at the keeper. There was 30 seconds left. He punted it down and it was on our half and it was crazy. People were trying to clear it out and people were falling. Josh was in the middle of everything and with 10 seconds left he went to clear it and in the process someone stepped on his ankle and he tried to turn the other way and he hurt his knee. I had no idea he was on the ground. I started shaking people's hands and then I saw people huddled over Josh. So, Josh is funny and unique when he gets hurt. If it's not super bad, he laughs and runs away. Weird, I know. Josh was neither laughing nor running away, so I knew it was serious. Josh said he saw his leg all twisted and then he realized his knee cap was out of place and then it popped back into place. He was in a lot of pain, so we got him in the car and I drove us home. We assumed he had dislocated his kneecap. I made him stay off it for a few days, but I wanted him to go see Carolyn Billings, who used to be my trainer at BYU when I played soccer. He didn't want to go, because he didn't want her to check his ACL and have it hurt. Understandable. So finally a week later we went to her and she checked his knee and he told her what happened. Well, she said he tore his MCL and ACL and sometimes the mind can play tricks during injuries and his leg probably was really messed up. So we were really bummed about that. ACLs are the worst. And really really expensive. So then we had to think what we were going to do. This was on Friday and it was a three day weekend, so Carolyn scheduled an appointment with Dr. Kimball for Tuesday (today) at 8:30. We were trying to figure out what we could do financially and Monday Josh and I called places about prices and everything. We had an intramural game that night at 6. It was so so hot. I had a thought before the game that came to me multiple times..."wouldn't it be weird if I tore my ACL tonight?" And it wasn't like a warning to not play, but it was like I could imagine that happening.
So the game started and we were dominating and were up 5 to 0 at the half. Did I mention it was SO HOT? It was hot. During the second half a guy on the other team had the ball and I kind of stole it from him and but I was facing my own goal (we were toward the sideline) and he was on my back and I thought I would do a move to meg him and get around him. I almost did it, but he kind of kicked it away so we were running and I stepped in front and then I took a step and Josh thinks I got hit and I landed really weird. It was immediately terrible. I landed on my left foot and my upper leg and lower leg went two different directions and I heard a noise like my leg broke. It was a terrible feeling. I immediately collapsed and I started screaming. Partly because I knew without a doubt that I had just torn my ACL and partly because I was in so much pain I wanted someone to hit me over the head so I would go unconscious. It was really painful. I wanted to get taken off the field, so someone from my ward carried me off while Josh walked/limped beside us (it was awkward). Tate was distraught. I think he knew something was wrong, because he was crying and wanting me. I got off the field and I told Josh to call Carolyn. She didn't answer, but then one of my old teammates from BYU who still plays was there to watch a friend play and she called Carolyn and told her what happened. Carolyn was still at BYU, even though it was 7 at night. She said to come to the training room. So at first Nimmer (my teammate) gave me a piggyback ride, but that was too painful and then Josh tried to carry me and eventually I couldn't take it because it hurt so badly so he put me down and I laid in the parking lot. Carolyn came and checked my knee (in the parking lot) and told me I tore my ACL. I cried, but not as hard as I was expecting. Carolyn put me in the cart and drove me to the training room and I was in a TON of pain. I've experienced intense pain before when I gave birth to Tate. This wasn't as bad, but it was a close second. I was given medicine to help the pain. Stacy and Andrew took Tate. Carolyn called Dr. Kimball and said, "remember the husband of the former player you are seeing tomorrow? Can the wife also come?" She said he laughed like he didn't believe it. I hadn't really cried up to this point, but when josh and I left I got very emotional. I have torn my ACL before and the recovery is long and the worst thing ever. I did not want to go through it again. And it made it so much worse that josh had a torn ACL too!! Who would take care of Tate? How would we function? We got home and I gained composure of my emotions. Josh gave me a blessing (which was really sad looking, because I was lying on the couch with my brace on and Josh was half kneeling with a brace on his knee). And two guys from our ward gave Josh a blessing. At that point I was in a good place. I felt like we would be okay. And I especially felt close to Heavenly Father, because we had seen so many miracles even up to that point. Like Carolyn still being at BYU, Josh having an appointment for the next day that I could go to, Nimmer being there, Stacy and Andrew taking Tate. But especially I felt so close to and loved by Heavenly Father, because I really felt like the thoughts I had before the game about me tearing my ACL showed me he was looking out for me. Even though I still played and still tore my ACL, I felt like He was looking out for me and it showed me He was aware of me and what I was about to go through. I have no doubt in my mind that those thoughts were from Him and in some way were meant to show me His love and His awareness of me. I felt so much love from Heavenly Father and so much gratitude He would help me feel close to Him.
So today we went to the doctor's appointment. We waited forever, but we finally got in. Dr. Kimball looked at my knee and said to not even get an MRI because he knew it was torn. No shock there. Then he did Josh's knee and he said he didn't think his ACL was torn! He had a grade 2 MCL tear. And he said Josh didn't dislocate his kneecap. He wasn't 100% sure, but he was pretty sure. He said to wait 4-6 weeks and if he still had problems we could do an MRI. Well, we told him we are moving overseas and probably can't wait. So he said do the MRI just to make sure. If it wasn't ACL, then it would just be 4-6 weeks recovery, but no surgery! I scheduled my surgery for Tuesday, which is also the day my family is coming out to visit. Blessing!
So I went to do some rehab for my knee and I talked to Carolyn. She said she hoped she was wrong, but she felt pretty sure Josh's ACL was torn. She said she would text Dr. Kimball as soon as Josh was done with the MRI to have him look at it so we would know and not have to wait. So around 6 josh got a call from Dr. Kimball. He said his ACL wasn't torn!! He had semi-torn his MCL and he had dislocated his kneecap. So no surgery!!! We were so happy. I felt so incredibly blessed. Things with my insurance is better to have surgery than Josh's, so if one of us were to have a surgery, it should be me. It is a miracle! We have been so so blessed. And I really have been helped by Heaven to be able to see the positive and to not be sad. I am in a good place and feel peaceful and like things will work out. That is a tender mercy from Heavenly Father. We are so blessed.
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So I ended up getting surgery and that was horrible haha. I was feeling pretty good the morning of. Tears would periodically come to my eyes, but I wasn't too nervous. We got there and they took me back and I got in the way-too-flimsy gown they have you wear and I was hooked up to an IV laying on a bed and Josh came back to see me. That's when I started to cry. I was just saying "I don't want to do this, I don't want to do this. Don't let them do this to me." I have had surgery before and I it wasn't the best experience. So they took me back and the nice PA named Doug was talking to me and then they gave me something to go to sleep and I woke up later in a curtained off room. I was all alone and I remember calling for Josh wondering where he was. Then I went back to sleep. Then I woke up again and Josh was there and I told him I woke up all alone and I asked him why he wasn't there. Then I fell asleep again. This was pretty much the cycle for the next 6 hours while I waited to leave. I slept a long time and I was really sick. I couldn't leave because i was so sick. I threw up and the nurses were all making a big deal about how badly I looked, which I appreciated. Finally we came home and I don't really remember anything that happened. I know my family came at some point and I threw up at some point, but other than that I really don't remember. The next day I went to physical therapy and as I was crutching in I threw up in the middle of the hall, luckily my sister was there holding a bowl. So I got a wheelchair. The next time I went into rehab, again everybody made a big deal about how horrible I looked last time. My family was in town, which was awesome, because I had lots of help with Tate and people to talk to. My mom stayed an extra week, during which I worked soccer camps. I just sat in a lawn chair and tried to coach. My league team (we split the girls up into league teams and we have games throughout the week and then the last day we have a tournament) was horrible. We didn't win a single game. And then, the last day-during the tournament- we beat the 2nd place team, then the 3rd place team, and we made it to the finals. I was so proud. Then we lost. But I was still so proud!
Tate is getting so old. He can say "blue" and he can point out and say the letter "e" among our alphabet fridge magnets (I'm not sure if he just is getting lucky every time). He loves to say "no." He has actually been a very cranky baby lately. He is really good at throwing tantrums, which I guess is a normal thing for his age. He will run back and forth in the kitchen, then throw himself on the ground, or run into the wall. Besides the fact that he is screaming really loudly while he is doing this, it is actually really funny. A few days ago he was waking up in the middle of the night and he would scream and scream because he wanted us to get him out. We'd go in there and stroke his back and try to get him to calm down, but that only made him more upset. I have never seen him more out of control and mad. At one point he was shaking his crib and screaming so loud. I was actually a little scared haha. But he is doing better.
One sad thing is that Tate wants Josh all the time and doesn't ever really want me to hold him (unless Josh won't give him something and he thinks I'll give it to him). I think me being on crutches and not being able to hold Tate very much or do most of the things I usually do has thrown Tate off. Oh, and he calls Josh "mom" now.
We are getting ready for our move to the Philippines. My mom helped me pack a large majority of our stuff, which was really nice (and by "helped me pack" I mean that she packed while I sat and told her where things went). We have all of our immunizations and passports and luggage and things like that. I've been emailing mom's friend's friend who lives there and she has been so helpful. She's given me a better idea of what life will be like and what to bring and what not to bring.
Josh and I are trying to enjoy our last summer in America...well the last for a few years. We went to this fun freedom festival at the riverwoods. Tate played in the splash pad and pet a pony and ate watermelon. He was actually really cute about the pony. He was fearless and kept petting its mane and was trying to look it in the face and talk to it. Then he tried to put his hand in his mouth.
The World Cup has been awesome. I love watching the games when Tate is sleeping. When Portugal scored the tying goal on Sunday my heart dropped. I actually felt physically ill.
Well, that's the briefest of brief recaps.
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